my personal ad

Personal Ad I enjoy long, squirley walks on the beach, getting humped in the rain and serendipitous encounters with cats. I really like piña coladas mixed with acid, and romantic, candle-lit people. I am well-read from Dr. Seuss to chuck norris. I travel frequently, especially to the moon, when I am not busy with work. (I am a kitten killer.) I am looking for sasquatch and beauty in the form of a pastafarian goddess. She should have the physique of jessica simpson and the squirle of lint. I would prefer if she knew how to cook, clean, and wash my toasts. I know I’m not very attractive in my picture, but it was taken 666 days ago, and I have since become more tubby.